Igniter

執法者手中有一把尺, 是法律; 志願機構的工作者心中亦應有一把尺, 是他們所堅持的信念。

那天往某機構去面試, 有幸跟他們的開山祖師談談。 那機構是倡議有機文化的。 面試期間, 祖師爺問了我一個問題, 她說: 「在做這個工作之前, 你要問清楚自己到底覺得有機有多重要。 自己是否認同這東西比內地教育呀或是其他事情更為首要呢? 我們就認為食物是人之根本, 若食物也攪不好, 人及整個環境也會受到危害。 但你自己必須對這個也有認同, 否則做起事來便會不夠力度…」說到這裡,我額上的問號可能偷偷走了出來, 她便加以解釋。 「舉例說你要辦一個什麼活動, 由於資源所限, 不可能全用有機食品, 那你如何決定當中的比例? 是95%還是90%? 這時便見到力度夠不夠了。 」我想, 的確, 在我的角度90%或95%分別不大, 或許這種差不多的態度是沿於不夠認真, 再往上推便是不夠認同所致。「…所以這就是我們講的做事要有火!」

電視上播着上海明君書店老闆的訪問, 明君說「(大意是這様)我覺得人要堅持自己所信的才有激情, 有激情才有動力把事做好。 」這激情也就是那團火吧。

環顧香港的志願機構, 有些可能真的因為「火候」不足, 不僅項目力度不夠, 更或甚偏離軌道, 走火入魔。 較近期的招數有顧用外判商以抽傭方式售賣獎卷、未經個人知會從捐款人戶口多扣捐款、加工受助養兒童相片以圖魚目混珠等…不知是否政府一次過撥款影響, 大家對籌募經費也神經質地緊張起來, 使得那錢字有時放得太大, 原本要錢的理由也忘記了。

困絶當前, 為生存要放棄什麼不放棄什麼, 如何不迷失, 都得靠那團火作明灯指引。 真是一門學問。

今天晚上，翻箱倒篋地在找大學畢業時發的transcript。找了好一會，transcript找不着，郤找回了一段發人深省的字句。

“ If I could live my life once again
In the next life, I would try to commit more errors,
I would not try to be so perfect,
I would relax more.
I would be dumber than I have been, in fact,
I would take less thing seriously,
I would not be so clean.

I would run more risks, I would take more trips
I would contemplate more sunsets, I would climb more
mountains, I would swim more rivers…
I would go more ice creams and less fiber
I would have more real problems and less
imaginary ones.

I was one of those people that lives sensibly, and
prolifically every minute of my life; of course
I had moments of joy.

But if I could go back, I would try to have
only good moments. For if you do not know, that is
what life is made of, only moments; don’t miss the now.

I was one of those persons that never went anywhere without a
thermometer, a bag of warm water, an umbrella and a
parachute; if I could travel again I would travel
lighter.

If I could begin to live again, I would begin to walk barefoot
at the beginning of the spring and I would continue on
through the conclusion of the autumn.

I would take more turns around the merry go round, would contemplate
more sunsets,
I would play with more children, I, if had my life ahead of me
once again.

But, you see, I am 85 years old and I know that I am dying.”

當年在Texas隨便地選了一課Leadership Issues。期中考試時，教授發了一張前後兩頁的考卷，大家都在埋頭苦幹地把它完成。只是，做完了第一頁，翻到背面去，郤竟是上面的一段話。

每次再看這段文字，心裡總有一份感動，像在讀着一個老人對我們的臨終囑咐。

講堂內的同學漸漸完成試卷，陸陸續續地離去，大家沒有說什麼，教授也很輕鬆地跟助教閒聊着。可是，我想，從離開講堂那刻，我將不會再遇上這位教授了，而且這不僅是地域上的阻隔，更是時空上的。如此的心情怎容我淡然地走出講堂?

我留下來，把那「臨終之言」再看一遍，當中有一句當頭棒喝: “if I could travel again I would travel lighter.”

唉，何不瀟灑一點呢?

這是一份畢生難忘的考卷，也是畢生受用的一課。